me psycho-analysing me !!!

I am perfectly imperfect person, suffering from many kinds of mental and psychological ailments. I guess I could make list for the same but I wouldn’t do that (actually I shouldn’t do that :)).

Anyways, I guess the first one that I recon in my system would be something I call “Equi-Distribution Obsession”. Let me shed some light on it. The thing is that I should always do, perform, see, smell, whatever... with equally distributing the work, load, whatever… on both sides of my body. Confused? Well lets take up an example- when I am eating, I should chew equal amounts of eatable stuff by my left as well as my right sides of my jaws. Freaky, huh? Not freaky enough.

Second in the line comes LPS-“Laad Pyaar Syndrome”. Let me have a laugh first. Ok … well … as Delhi-ites already know that most of their pets are suffering from this disease, but I couldn’t resist to use this LPS phrase while describing myself. Well I know you might be smiling right now and thinking “what a freak”! That’s fine by me. Well LPS is a mental state of mind in which the “patient” is always in need of a certain someone(s) to pamper (well I wont exactly say pamper though). Well you see, everyone needs him/herself to be heard. Now how big this urge of any particular individual is determines how much he/she talks, socializes, jests, maybe writing a journal too. In my particular case, humor and talking, takes the toll. May be people like me (hey wait a minute, I can generalize this to all sane humans too), just try to find different paths to find love, care, sympathy… or whatever. Just like Delhi pets like to be looked after too much (see, what I mean with that humor thingy).

Third one freaks the hell out of me as well. Most of you would try to judge me on this, but I hope guys would like to support me on this. I’m not a pervert, but this stupid thing is set in my mind with such weight that I just can’t ignore it. Look, here’s the deal, whenever I talk to a stranger of opposite sex, I’d start checking her out. Well, lets just say that most of the times, my “line of vision” start passing by the “assets” and the worst part is that I feel bad about it (I’d say I feel embarrassed). But again, as it is said that, dog’s tail would always be twisted (it may be twisted upwards gloriously or downwards right up its ass), anyways, the point is that it remains twisted. This particular thing makes me kind of uncomfortable near unknown females. That’s the reason why I would never start a conversation with any unknown girl (face to face). I, sometimes, even walk away when a girl sits besides me, or the table next to me. I find it very challenging to deal with this syndrome :)

The fourth one is very embarrassing for me as it would be for any guy. Here I’m a very sensitive and fragile person. Maybe, because of the “Dark Times” of my life, I am unable to deal with intense emotional situations. What I mean is that I can’t see a girl crying (oh man, that’s the worst situation for me to face), I can’t confess (verbally) to anyone about any mean deed I do or say to anyone. Some more things are there too, but I’m not able to recall them at the moment. The funny thing is that I don’t even try to counter this problem as I think people would think I’m being a cry-baby. Some of my friends would also like me to add this one too. Its about the affect alcohol has on me. They say:
Daaru in,
I start cryin …
Alcohol somehow brings out your true self to the outer layer of your personality, which everyone tries to keep very clean and tidy. I think it happens to everyone, may be sometimes in my case it strikes at some deep wound of time.

Anyways, moving to the next thing, this one is good. I am very much a keen observant by nature. It is just in my system to try to figure out the composition, geometry, symmetry, everything that describes anything I observe. Let me take an example, well I know each and everything in my room and the place I live in so I don’t observe that much around that place :). Anyways, if I were to go to a new place, I would try to analyze each and every detail that comes in my mind about it and its surroundings. Hell, I even sometimes follow ant trails to observe how they “find” their way back home.

This next thing I do most often. I would pick up a song I like (usually new), and I would listen it again and again until I can no more listen to it. I’d rather throw up but to listen to that song again :). I don’t know why I do that, but I do it. But, exceptions are there too, I can listen to “Junoon”, “Strings”, “The Corrs” endlessly. I don’t know why I do that too.

Imperfection defines perfection. As everything is comparative, you can’t even dream to be perfect if you don’t have imperfections in your system. The thing is that how well you introspect, you know. I am just trying to say that you have to have imperfections to pursue perfection. I have always tried to be perfect, but I have realized it’s just a chase to find the horizon. It seems to exist, it seems the sky and earth meet at some place but no one ever reaches there. But you tend to see some people at the horizon and be jealous of them but kindly realize that “those” people can’t achieve it either, as the horizon drifts further and further as we move towards it. Yet another thing I realize about this is that if you run away from this horizon, you would see that it follows you. Then again a most of us would rather run towards it than running away from it, hoping to reach that mystic place. That’s a human nature I guess.