PS: Yes I do!

It’s funny how life works out for you, but of course it takes time. They say time heals everything. Well, I actually have experienced it and yes I also know that most of the people do it too. It’s just that, everyone thinks of their story as the most agonizing, then enduring and at last the most inspiring one! My story is kind of like that too. At least I hope it’s like that. Today, I have one semester left and have already been placed and enjoying and waiting to gradually graduate from my college. But looking back in time makes me think about what all I lost and what all gained. It makes me realize that if you don’t let it go eventually life will make you let it go, it’s just that it will take much time if you don’t do the honors yourself. The previous part of the last line is true for me. Although only a few of my friends know about it already, but I promised myself that I would redeem my mistakes first and then tell others. It still hurts me sometimes when I am lonely, I guess that’s why I always keep myself busy with happy thoughts and sometimes I also get aggressive. The best thing I learned in life is what my father used to tell me all through my schooling days. “Whatever you do good son, it’s never wasted and returns to you with goodwill”. Today I realize it loud and clear that he was right and how I always meet my old friends and they tell me how we used to be good friends and how we helped each other in our studies in our school days. School – I have mostly forgotten about it, but can still hear the school bell, the sound of the morning-prayer drums. Those were the days which we all ruled our own little worlds. For 6 hours a day, we studied and dreamt of our futures, not about what we wanna be, but what will it be like when we grow up. Oh I know everyone thinks about the same stuff in those times. Then after tenth class results one suddenly realizes how on earth would these days (11th and 12th) get over? Because it’s so much to study! It’s been very long since I left school and it’s been a long graduation for me, but I figured better late than never. The four years in my college healed all my bruised past and gave me a new life. Yes, my love life has also not been one of the bests. In fact it’s not even near to that word - “best”. But I have learnt to live life fully and without regret. My motto changed from “accha karoge to accha milega” to “tension lene ka nahi, dene ka!” or commonly summarised as "agar kisi ki gaand mile to maar lo, kyuki jab tumhaari milegi kisi aur ko to wo maar hi lega!"
Whenever I find out that someone is wasting his life (I say “his” because I know girls don’t do stuff like that, they are more focused than guys), I feel concerned and those bad memories catch up on real quick. I know it’s very difficult to come out from a state of ignorance and shame to one with success and satisfaction. But once you do, it’s a relief; oh it’s such a relief. I have never settled for a lesser deal and I do what I think is right and not what others tell me is. And that actually worked out pretty well for me, I got lucky I guess. Or maybe it was time I got some payback from life itself.
But yet, I feel left behind, because now, people who were with me have already achieved so much. Of course I know that life doesn’t stop and while I was preparing myself to achieve something in life, others grew too. But still in some corner of my mind it bothers me a lot.
May be another me in some other parallel universe didn’t fuck up his life and got all what I dreamt and so wanted in life. I always see that other “me” in all the pictures of my friends I should have been in. The time I lost, I wish I get that back, but I know it’s not possible. I have changed a lot, I was once a shy guy with my own dreams and today this system made me a robot. I do it not because I should but because I must, otherwise this cruel world will eat you up. If I am even 10% of the man I was back then, I would make a good person outta me. But that guy died a long time ago. Only the metal body is left. I keep myself detached from other people so that I don’t get to put my time in their issues. I keep myself lonely, because last time it was hard to leave those friends behind.
I know I am being selfish but I somehow tell myself that I deserve to get away cleanly with it. Yup, after all these years! Yup, I do deserve it… do I?

PS: yes I do :)